I have been thinking a lot about your birth parents, Hannah and Richard. I haven't been the best at keeping them updated with pictures of you and how you are growing so fast. I feel guilty about this. They are such wonderful people who made the heartwrenching decision to give you a life that they knew you deserved...something they knew they could not provide for you at the time. I was watching a show the other day about a woman who was searching for the daughter she placed for adoption so many years earlier....when she was speaking about how she made her decision she said, "I realized that I had to love this baby more than I loved myself"". I have never had to be in the situation of choosing an adoption plan for a baby, I have been on the other end of this beautiful experience and gift, so I can not say I know that this is a hard thing to do. I can, however, imagine that there must be excrutiating and emotional pain to feel a baby grow inside you and then place her in the care of two people who you don't know very well, but trust that they can raise your baby well...Tailee, I want you to always know how much Hannah and Richard loved you...they loved you more than they loved themselves and eventhough they hurt they put their pain aside to give you a life you deserved. I truly believe that the sign of a true parent is one that puts their child before themself...what better example of this than the choice of a birthparent...My friend Jammie just adopted her second child this last week. She wrote about her new daughters birthparents and her love for them. She has such a great way with words...she says much in this entry that is exactly how I felt when you were born and placed into our arms and how I feel now... I want to just add her words to this blog and say "Ditto" after it...
"I have been asked many times this week (with good reason) how Sara (our birthmom) is doing. It warms my heart to think that so many of you can see the bigger picture and can see that we are not just receiving a child from our Heavenly Father, but that there is a woman who is experiencing much pain to give her child more than she can at this particular time. Some people think that birth mom's are careless, or irresponsible. Though many of you know their divine qualities, our Sara is choice. She is full of compassion, loyal to the max, she is one of the most giving people I have ever met. I do not say these things because I am hoping to adopt her little miracle. I say these things from the bottom of my heart.
So the question is..."How is Sara doing?".. I actually can't answer that question, because I have never been in her shoes. I would not feel honest if I tried to tell her side of the story, only she knows how she feels. However, I can tell you what I feel. The love that Heavenly Father allows me to feel for these women is a miracle. I have never felt so much love in my entire life as when our adoptions have taken place. The veil is thin, because it is God's work. She knows this truth and she is not taking this decision lightly. She has given it much thought and prayer. She has shed many tears, and has given this little princess so many close embraces. She is putting her own hearts desires aside for her child's sake. What is a mother? Just that, one who puts her child first, some might claim that these woman take the easy way out. I am here to stand and testify, you are wrong in this thinking. As a mother myself I am protective, no one can take better care of my child than me and my husband. No one. Now put yourself in her shoes in searching for that perfect couple that will parent your child, a couple that you can trust. Easy way out? THis is the hardest decision anyone can make. I wish I could tell you how much I love my children's birthmom's, however there is no way I can. There are not workds in any language that could express the love I have for these ladies; it's not a word it is a feeling. Adoption has changed my life forever. There is a love between birthparents and adoptive parents that is different. My heart is full". Tailee I feel this exact same way about your birthparents. In every part where Jammie mentioned Sara, you could replace it with the name Hannah, and it would accurately describe how I feel. Please know that you are truly loved by both your father and I, as well as your birthparents. I hope you will always be grateful for what they did for you!
It has been way too long since I last posted picture...This blogger used to take forever to post pictures but now they post fast so hopefully I will be better at posting them. I need to be better at taking pictures because I don't take many but here are some pics of you Tai from this summer and some of this year... You are still my sweet little girl who I love so so much...You are starting to get a little more attitude, but what girl doesn't have attitude. You are my little helper and you always tell us you love us. In the car today you said, Mom, I wuv daddy. Its so cute and out of the blue. You are talking so much more lately...every day it seems you have anew sentence. I love your little voice. It is so cute. Lauren has been living with us and you love having her here. You call her Wowee and Riley you call Rah Ree. You love your brother and sister too. You hate when they go to school. Everytime you see a bus you ask , "Cada and Taydree coming home". When people ask you what your name is you say My Tai. We love that. Everyone loves you Tailee. You are so beautiful inside and out. We have pigs now and even though they kinda scare you...you love going to see them. Today you kept saying to me, "Time to feed peegs mom"...I love how you say pigs...peegs. Right now we are trying to sell our house and then we are moving to a place with land so we can have all sorts of animals. I know you are going to love having chickens pigsand goats on our little farm...you love animals. Everyday I look at you Tailee and I am so glad I am your mom. During my miscarriage that I just had, I was so grateful to have you. You made life bearable and I loved cuddling you. You would say to me, "Mommy baby die?...it's sad?"...You would bring it up out of the blue, but I loved hearing you say it. You mean the world to me Tai Tai. I love you so much!!
